Lisette: ‘Listen To What A Child Needs’.

Lisette: ‘Listen To What A Child Needs’.

Lisette Van Reyendam knows better than anyone how harmful it can be if your child is not heard. Her son Oscar is gifted and found it hard to connect with his peers. He was bullied and eventually withdrew completely. Moreover, the school did not handle Oscar’s giftedness well. Teachers did not understand what he needed and could not answer his questions. Because of all that, Oscar became very down. In 2014, when Oscar was in the second year of gymnasium, Lisette decided not to let him go to school anymore. Lisette and Oscar had to fight for Tailored Education. 'Now he has graduated. I am very proud of what he achieved.'

Misdiagnosis

The problems reached a boiling point in secondary school. ‘Oscar is gifted, but combined with childhood trauma, that was wrongly diagnosed as PDD-NOS. In secondary school all attention was on that misdiagnosis. The trauma disappeared completely to the background, and there was no attention for his giftedness.’

Fighting for education

Because the school could not offer the help Oscar needed, Lisette decided to keep him at home until there was a good solution. Then the fight for the right education began. But there were almost no suitable solutions. ‘It took an unusually long time to get anything started, and then figuring out what suited my son became even more complicated because there was so little or no suitable help or custom work for a long time. Not to mention what that did to our trust. We also had several attendance officers on our case. They basically did exactly what the school asked, without concern for my son’s well-being. In the end, we had three reports of child abuse and I had to talk twice with the Child Protection Board. In addition, Safe Home and even Samen Veilig were involved. None of these agencies seemed able to do anything for my son or for me as a parent. Everything was done on orders from the school and attendance service.’

A new start

In 2016 Oscar was finally able to see a psychologist with a focus on education, and in 2017 he joined a support group for gifted children. ‘Then the psychologist also found that he had been wrongly diagnosed with autism. At first he got giftedness support. That helps gifted children get to know themselves. Many pieces fell into place.’ In 2018, after four years of misery, Oscar was finally able to start his custom program with one-on-one guidance from a giftedness specialist with teaching qualification.

Back to school

After a while, Oscar missed contact with peers. ‘He wanted education with other students. Private schooling at Luzac offered the solution with small classes and good support. Private education is allowed by the government for only one year, but luckily by that time he was ready for the next step.’

Then came three years of vavo. ‘Only math B was too difficult in one year. His mentor advised him to do math A, but Oscar thought he could do it. In the end, he passed with a 7. The mentor admitted he had underestimated him, with a big compliment for Oscar that he stayed true to himself. I found that very nice, because that was exactly where things went wrong earlier. By simply looking at who he is, what he needs, and how the school can give that to him, we were able to close four years of misery. One person who says: ‘If this is needed, then we will do that,’ and your world turns around.’

A listening ear

According to Lisette, Oscar never had to quit gymnasium year two if he had gotten the right guidance immediately. ‘Going to class to listen to the teacher and take in information, that was all he wanted. But it just didn’t work. He just couldn’t handle the other students well and was bullied. No one could help him with that. Also, the school did not listen to what he needed content-wise. His giftedness was ignored and teachers could not answer his questions about the material. He could shout, report it, explain calmly, but no one listened to him. Incredible that you can do that to a child.’

Lisette’s message is clear. ‘Hear a child. He just needed someone who listened to him, who he could ask his questions to. Children want to develop. If you offer the right help, no obstacle is too big.’