Marije: ‘Ultimately we all want the same, that a child is happy and develops’.

Marije: ‘Ultimately we all want the same, that a child is happy and develops’.

When Tibbe (12) just learned to talk as a toddler, he spoke in full sentences immediately. 'Oh, how funny that children do that,' his parents thought. But when their son went to school, he had a big lead in his development compared to his classmates. After research, it appeared he was extremely gifted, and schools could not offer him tailored education. His mother, Marije Miltenburg, took the initiative to guide him and later other children and parents with gifted children.

“We never thought before that Tibbe could be gifted. When his first words were full sentences right away, we did not know that was unusual.

When we let him be tested seriously, Tibbe was just five. At school, he wanted to learn faster than the other children. The teacher also found it hard to deal with his behavior, which she found disturbing. But now we know that children who show special behavior clearly try to say something is wrong.

Damaged

At first, we thought he was highly sensitive. The teacher took a course for highly sensitive children. But it did not go well for long, because after a holiday we got the news that our son did not fit the school. They thought he was weakly gifted. We let him be tested, and he was extremely gifted. Then the school gave up, because they had no knowledge about giftedness.

After that school, four others followed that could not offer him what he needed, although some wanted to. Meanwhile, his enthusiasm for reading disappeared. He did not want one letter a week, but all at once. He started to fall behind in reading and writing, and despite warnings from us, nothing was done. When out of pure frustration he did not want to go to school anymore, he became a home sitter. He was so seriously traumatized that we gave him all the time to rest and ‘recover’.

Parental involvement

That is why it is so important that schools listen to parents. Parents know their child best. And in the end, we all want the same, that a child is happy and develops. And that only works by working with parents. As a teacher, you can ask: help me understand your child.

By now, I realize it was meant to be that I have a gifted child. Because that is now part of my work as a professional and at Stichting Hoogbegaafd! I have a background as a lawyer, so I know where to get help. But many people do not know this. And for those people, we work hard. For this, we cooperate a lot with Marieke Boon and Lobke Vlaming from Ouders & Onderwijs.

Successful

For Tibbe, we finally found a nice school in Amersfoort. There it is: nothing is required, everything is allowed. For our son, that fits very well. You do not have to take exams there, but if students want, they can. He develops greatly; socially, emotionally and also cognitively. He knows a lot, but he gets that knowledge and skill outside regular education. In this way, we show him, and ourselves as well, that there are other ways to be and become successful.