Tips for the conversation with school.

Make an appointment

Discussing a problem or complaint starts with a conversation. A conversation gives the chance to really pay attention to each other and make agreements to improve the situation in the future. For example, tell before class that you want to make an appointment.

Preparing for the conversation at school

Good preparation helps you get more out of the talk with the school. It can also make the conversation nicer. Some tips:

• Write down the main problem.
• Think about possible solutions.
• Be clear and give examples. For example: ‘When my son has a tantrum at home I put him in a fixed place and leave him alone for five minutes’.
• Talk about your feelings and expectations. For example: ‘When my child comes home crying I feel angry as a parent’.

The conversation at school

Clearly say what the problem is during the talk. It is better to focus on main points and avoid details. The teacher is an expert in education. The parent knows how to raise children. It is important to keep this equality in the conversation. Let each other speak and accept that you do not have to agree. The goal is to find a solution you both like, not to be right.

Action list or report

A short report from each conversation can be useful. Often this can be a list of actions. Decide in advance who writes the report. It is always good to take notes during the talk.

Bring someone along

Sometimes feelings can run high. Then it can be wise to agree that a neutral, independent person is at the conversation. Contact the school’s confidential advisor for this. Sometimes a parent can bring someone from close by to the talk. This is preferably someone who is less involved in the situation.