Anna: ‘Make sure your child sees that you are always there for them’.

Anna: ‘Make sure your child sees that you are always there for them’.

Anna’s* son is being bullied. Saying mean things, taking belongings, and locking him in the toilet: her son goes through it all. But because it does not happen daily, the primary school principal says it is not bullying. 'My son comes home upset and goes to school with a heavy heart. I really know if he is bullied or not.'

The bullying was done by one boy. That boy has now left school because of a move, but another boy took over. ‘It makes my son very insecure. Then he suddenly wonders if the clothes he wears are nice enough.’ And it did not stop with verbal remarks. ‘Kicking and hiding his school bag are apparently fun pranks too.’

When Anna’s son came home crying from school, she knew right away something was wrong. First she talked to the teacher, and when that did not help, she spoke to the principal. ‘The teacher said the bully had to get used to the new group dynamic in the class. But I could see that all those words hurt my son and it also became more physical. Kicking, hitting, and throwing his bag on the ground: it all happened.’

‘The principal was not really surprised. When I said it did not happen daily, she said it was not bullying. The authority at this school is lacking. You can have an anti-bullying policy, but applying it is another matter.’

Worrying mother

Whether Anna wants it or not, she notices she is becoming a worrying mother. ‘I keep standing up for my child. And I keep having the talks with the teacher because it frustrates me a lot. I would prefer to keep my son home from school until the school solves the problem, but that is not possible either,’ says Anna.

‘As a parent it is just very painful to see your child like this. It wears me down, and I always have a knot in my stomach. I have a crying child and he starts making up excuses so he does not have to go to school. Stomach ache, lost gym clothes, you name it. And I keep wondering what I can do.’

Stable home situation

Anna finds it very important, as a parent of a bullied child, that the child comes home to a stable home situation. ‘When my son comes home, he can say what he thinks or feels. It helps him to process the day and then we try to give him tips and look beyond the situation to the fun moments. As a parent, you should not give up and keep raising the issue with the school.’

As difficult as it is, Anna wants to be heard. So she keeps going until something changes. ‘If your child sees how much effort you make as a parent, then you show that you are always there for your child. And that is the most important thing.’

*Anna is a fictitious name