Jacqueline: ‘My son said he did not want to live like this anymore’.

Jacqueline: ‘My son said he did not want to live like this anymore’.

For five years Jacqueline van Rooden and her husband had to hear that bullying their son was his own fault. Blue marks, bruised ribs and scrapes were what he came home with every day. 'The school did not want to listen to us and did not intervene,' said Jacqueline.

‘Our son was born with less than 30% hearing,’ began Jacqueline. ‘Because of this he could not understand himself and developed a speech impediment. He was not understood by other children and he did not understand them.’

From day one he was left out at primary school. ‘In group five, I once put my son in the shower and saw he was covered in blue marks. I found out he was beaten up in a corner during every break. He really wanted to belong. Negative attention is also attention, he thought. That’s why he did not talk about it.’

‘Your child is the problem’

The bullying got worse and worse and the school did not intervene. They even said it was Jacqueline and her husband’s fault. ‘The teacher said she had been in the job for 50 years and can really tell if something is wrong. We were always blamed.’

Jacqueline: ‘It is every parent’s nightmare to see your child fall into a black hole and you can do nothing. At one point my son sat next to me on the couch and said he did not want to live like this anymore. You start wondering if you have failed. At that moment, you blame yourself for everything.’

Instead of addressing the situation, the school thought it was smart to remove their son from the group. According to them, this would stop the bullying. ‘I blame them very much for that. Our son had to go home during breaks, was not allowed to join gym, was not allowed to play football and could not celebrate Easter and King’s Day with his class. All to prevent bullying, said the school. You cannot make a target easier than this.’

Talk About It

For five years Jacqueline and her husband kept these terrible events to themselves. ‘If I may give one tip to parents who go through the same as we did: talk about it. With family, fellow sufferers or trusted people. As a parent, you may soon feel ashamed and blame yourself. But by talking about it, you realize it is not normal what happens and you find support from, for example, fellow sufferers.’

And those fellow sufferers are right beside you on the school playground. ‘Once you go through this situation yourself, you immediately recognize children and their parents who experience the same thing. No happy face, no friend by their side, but sadness. I calmly start a conversation with those parents and as soon as they notice we are fellow sufferers, a special bond arises.’

Trauma Processing

The bullying has still not stopped, so their son started trauma processing in August. ‘With trauma processing they work on his confidence. Overall, he is doing remarkably well. He has been practicing kung fu for about two years now and gets a lot of positive energy from it. As a family, we also try to offer him a stable environment where we show that we are always there for him.’